Thursday, March 30, 2006

back streets -
metal spokes are all that's left
of the umbrella

3 comments:

J. Andrew Lockhart said...

stark --- it seems cold, too -- nice

Alan Summers said...

I like it - very noir, but wonder if the last line could be left out, and link more coolly with 'back streets'?

Alison Williams said...

It was a cold, noir morning. (There's a first line for a novel...)

and a good thought about what could be left out. I've often improved a haiku by taking something out.