Ingredients - my published haiku, tanka, haibun and the occasional piece of writing that fits none of those categories.
back streets -metal spokes are all that's leftof the umbrella
stark --- it seems cold, too -- nice
I like it - very noir, but wonder if the last line could be left out, and link more coolly with 'back streets'?
It was a cold, noir morning. (There's a first line for a novel...) and a good thought about what could be left out. I've often improved a haiku by taking something out.
Post a Comment
3 comments:
stark --- it seems cold, too -- nice
I like it - very noir, but wonder if the last line could be left out, and link more coolly with 'back streets'?
It was a cold, noir morning. (There's a first line for a novel...)
and a good thought about what could be left out. I've often improved a haiku by taking something out.
Post a Comment