Saturday, March 20, 2010

guilty at having
forgotten to feed
the baby
I realise it's alright
it's just a doll

2 comments:

Alan Summers said...

I love it!

guilty at having
forgotten to feed
the baby
I realise it's alright
it's just a doll


I just feel it needs that second "it's" removed ...

Plus another idea, although it does change direction/philosophy?

guilty at having
forgotten to feed
the baby
I realise it's all right
being just a doll


Alan
Literature Director, 2010 Bath Japanese Festival

.

Alison said...

Perhaps an earlier draft - there were several - is better.

guilty at having
forgotten to feed
the baby
I realise that's alright
it's just a doll

Alison