Wednesday, July 18, 2007

On losing hold of an angel's tail

It never lifted me
too high - an inch at the most
it was just a lightness
a welcome counterbalance
to relentless gravity



[Edited and much improved (I think) version. ]

2 comments:

Alan Summers said...

I love this!

I would humbly suggest some editing.

I really love the title, and can't decide on your original wording or...


Losing hold of an angel's tail

It never lifted me too high,
an inch at the most.
It was just a lightness,
a welcome counterbalance
to relentless gravity.



I didn't realise it makes it tanka like, as that is an irrelevance, as the poem is just darned good.

My edited version is just a thought, so shoot me down with a banana umbrella! ;-)

Alison said...

Thanks! Will ponder the editing suggestions which look good.