Ingredients - my published haiku, tanka, haibun and the occasional piece of writing that fits none of those categories.
I love this!I would humbly suggest some editing.I really love the title, and can't decide on your original wording or...Losing hold of an angel's tailIt never lifted me too high,an inch at the most.It was just a lightness,a welcome counterbalanceto relentless gravity.I didn't realise it makes it tanka like, as that is an irrelevance, as the poem is just darned good.My edited version is just a thought, so shoot me down with a banana umbrella! ;-)
Thanks! Will ponder the editing suggestions which look good.
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2 comments:
I love this!
I would humbly suggest some editing.
I really love the title, and can't decide on your original wording or...
Losing hold of an angel's tail
It never lifted me too high,
an inch at the most.
It was just a lightness,
a welcome counterbalance
to relentless gravity.
I didn't realise it makes it tanka like, as that is an irrelevance, as the poem is just darned good.
My edited version is just a thought, so shoot me down with a banana umbrella! ;-)
Thanks! Will ponder the editing suggestions which look good.
Post a Comment