Tuesday, April 18, 2006

in a magnolia bush
the unlikely colours
of a goldfinch


Alan Summers said...

I really like this, and wonder whether you could consider removing 'in a' even though it makes it a much briefer haiku.

It also brought back a memory from a Walled Garden, thank you!

Alison Williams said...

Hmn, I see what you mean, but that sort of makes it sound like the magnolia bush is goldfinch coloured.

I hope it was a happy memory!

Eric said...

unlikely colours! love it.

Alan Summers said...

Quite possibly Alison! (-;

But wouldn't a dash or dotdotdot thingie after bush help, or is three birds in a bush worth only a single stone's throw? (-;

Also, even with the ambiguity it sounds so darned good, and I am sure a contemporary Japanese poet or two would go for it.

Either which way love the haiku, the magnolia, and those unlikely colours!